I Believe ... In Forgiveness

I believe…

When I was in the 8th grade I was molested by my uncle. I’m not here to act as the victim but to tell you the significant change that I went through after. I believe that forgiveness is love.

After the incident, I held my uncle responsible for ruining my life, hurting me, and taking away innocence that I would never be able to get back. After what had happened I began to hurt myself and those around me with many words and actions. My own mother felt like her life was threatened from how my state of mind and body was.

As time went on these feelings only began to become worse. On the day of my uncle’s trial he stood up and apologized directly to me and I couldn't believe he had the nerve to apologize to me for such a crime. I wanted him to die. What he got was a year in jail without work release. To me this wasn't good enough.

About a year later I was sitting in church when the man speaking said, “I dare you to pray for your enemies and forgive your greatest offenders.” My mind immediately went to my uncle and the things he did. I felt like calling the man talking stupid. There was no way someone like my uncle deserved to be forgiven. Regardless, I actually went home and tried this. That night I prayed for my uncle and asked for the strength to forgive him.

That night changed my whole life. A sort of pity for my uncle came over me and I realized he has paid his time. He has to live with this suffering and guilt for the rest of his life. I look back and feel horrible for ever feeling that way and hurting my family. I believe that you cannot condemn someone or judge them. That judgment is up to God. I found out that night that I still love my uncle and that holding that burning hate toward him only blocked his progress along with mine. I had to forgive him, and so I did.

Forgiveness is a big thing in life. If you continue to hold a grudge against somebody long enough, it ends up that you are actually holding the grudge against yourself. When you finally let go and forgive the person who did you wrong, you let go of all the negative feelings you have kept bottled up inside of you. When those bad feelings are kept inside of you they start to convince you that they are about you.

To this day I believe that forgiveness is a key part of happiness. Without it, I think people’s souls would be utterly useless. I love my uncle and I hope that one day he can be part of my life again. I believe that this one act of forgiveness has made me the person I am today. Forgiveness is love, this I believe.

I am beautiful

I am the most beautiful person.

As the candle lit room shines off of my wet skin I know, I am the most beautiful person alive. The bubbles that surround me cover my flaws and accentuate my accents. The candle and aromas around me go in my nose and deep into my soul. The lights are out and the only thing that allows me to see is the candle that is lightly flickering in the corner of the tub. The warm water warms my body and my heart. Here my skin has a silky finish. It doesn't matter if I have shaved my legs, if my face is broke out, or my fleshy stomach is sticking out. Here I can be me. I can be beautiful.

I am alone listening to the sounds of heaven leak through the air and into the very depths of me. The soft lullaby relaxed my muscles and clears my mind of all negativity. I am a magnet of beauty and calmness. As I am submerged in the soapy water my pain and hurt is washed away. I am the only one who exists and my self consciousness is virtually gone.

Nothing can hurt me here. I am the source of all strength and all power. I am my own protector.

Being submerged in this bath is like being submerged into the waters of life. It is refreshing, beautifying, and relaxing. This is why I am the most beautiful person in the world. Nobody else exists. I am the most beautiful person in the world when I am in the life waters of the tub.