You might not be interested in why I think this is fascinating or you could also read this and think that I have lied to you everyday of your life. You can take what you want from this blog because this is where I am going to ..... *drum roll* TELL THE COMPLETE AND HONEST TRUTH!!!! And if you respond to this blog with any question(s), even if they don't pertain to this subject and I don't care what the question is, I'm going to answer the question full out bluntly without any lies, run arounds, beat arounds, or sugar coating. I understand that many people could possibly get hurt but, that's how the joint rolls.
So you may think to yourself, why this post? What's going on?? Well its simple really, I WANNA! Right now I have so much on my mind I feel like I'm on speed. I'm a druggie without an addiction (thank you Ozzy). So here are some facts about me right now that you might not know and now you do. First off I still cut myself. Maybe not often but I still do, I just choose to hide it. I do it because I like the endorphin rush. The second thing is I know I'm beautiful and whatever but I think the fact that everyone wants to have sex with me really lowers my self esteem to me thinking I'm only good for sex. Maybe it's true but maybe prince charming is out there. Then again maybe he isn't. I think honestly there is no prince charming. I have stopped believing in "true love". The only reason two people come together and stay together forever and ever isn't because they are "soul mates". Its because they couldn't find anything better to do. I honestly never really want to get married. I wont because a few years down the road, your "prince charming" wanted your pants off or wasn't even attracted to you in the first place. There is no prince charming or his white horse.
So also I'm depressed beyond all reasoning. Its pretty ridick. I take care of it in my way though and I know people don't like that. Honestly my friends are my friends and they know, if you don't understand you much not be that close of a friend. I deal with my depression my way. I figure if my mom isn't going to the doctors to get real medicine I'll make my own. People say, "You only think your depression is leaving when it really isn't". REALITY CHECK! I'm with my best friends doing what I like to do. I AM happy and when it's all done and over with I look back the next day and go, "DAMN THAT WAS FUN!" So don't tell me about your 'it's all in your head shit' because it's not.
I just want to make the point I AM NOT depressed as I write this but in a state of openmindedness. Its pretty intense like camping! Life gives you lemons and so you squirt life with lemon juice right in the bloodshot eyes!! Take that life =]. Well I'm going to go to bed since its...... 2:14 in the morning and I have places to be things to see and people to do.. HA HA JUST KIIDDING! Write me back if any of this makes sense because in the morning it might not! I love you all and some I love more than I should or want to.
Adrienne the psychobilly
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